Everywhere I go

Sorry for my short exit and entering posts.  But this one will be quite comprehensive, I promise.

Aaron and I left  for  Waikiki  last week, this day, being Thursday, so a week ago.  I think.  Here is the whole trip, sectioned out by days.

That's it in a nutshell. 

Fun things I noticed in Hawai'i:
1.  Pretty much every sign has Japanese kana written under the English.  English menus have Japanese cousins.  It is very Japanese tourist friendly.
2.  There were more Japanese tourists than Europeans or Americans.  I know this because  I can tell the differnece between Chinese, Korean, Thai, Vietnemese, and such.  And they were speaking very fast Japanese.
3.  Almost all of the merchants were Japanese as well.
4. A-B-C carries more tiny bottles of liquor than anyone could imagine.
5. Things were not as expensive as I thought they would be.
6. Everything is very, very open.  Many hotels have outdoor check in desks.  Ours was semi outdoor with the front door and small and wide corrider that had the check in desk and it lead to the out door pool.  Most malls are out doors as well.
7.  Yes, the main drag of shopping needs FIVE Coach stores.  I also saw my first Chanel, Dior, YSL,  and Hermes store fronts.
8.  It lovely and I would go back.


We go back to Eugene tomorrow to our sweltering flat.  I have to work tomorrow nite as well.  Witch Veronica.  Cue the annoyance.  We have to come back next weekend for the reception for Chris and Becky.  Woo and yay.  I might sit it out, maybe, I dunno.  I haven't checked my accounts since yesterday and I probably should.  I am always terrified that I am going to overdraft.  I need to pay my damn Target bill and U of O bill.  I need to go to the financial aid office and see WTF is going on with my FAFSA stuff.  I need to pay my debt to U of O.  I need to eat better.  I need to start excersing or something.

I need more time.

Classes start next month.

I am not going to spell check this.

So, hey.  Its an entry. Maybe.

Kinda. Sorta.

Ok.  I am in the middle of the laziest summer I've had since the summers of high school, middle school, all school before graduation and being tied down by classes and more than likely 2 jobs.  So, yeah, I am enjoying sleeping till 1:00 in the afternoon and staying up playing World of Warcraft.  LULZ.  I make it a point to watch Sex and the City, all four episodes, every week nite.  I've been reading books (most recently The Rabbi's Daughter by Reva Mann) but I've been buying more than I can read.  Mainly dealing with paganisim, I swear my pagan library has doubled in the past few months.

 I have gotten back in touch with the little witchy poo (as Aaron calls me) that I am.  I have been networking and meet some relaly wonderfully lovely people  (you know who you are).  I am excited for the approching Sabbat, Lughnasadh, and the plans that I have with my new friends.  I have probably taken too much upon myself in making 2 pies, bread, and a salad for all of us to share.

I went to Medford after spending a few days in Scapposse with Aaron and his family at his graduation bbq.  I met a bunch of family of Aaron's I hadn't met before and some of his old friends from high school.  Medford was short and sweet.  Val came back with us and she hung out for almost a week.

We leave for Hawaii in a week.  I don't have an appropriate outfit for the wedding.

Last nite I couldn'y fall alseep until 8 am this morning.  I took the day off from work.

I induldge in Clinique and MAC yesterday.  Clinique had a GWP at Gottschalks so I had to.

My favorite MAC artist sold me a Starflash eyeshadow that isn't supposed to be sold until tomorrow.  Mink and Sable.  Its it so soft.  I need to get a 15 pan palette, but I like all my containers, to be honest.

Tonite I was dreaming about the elusive Club Stila palette of lip colors that was a little GWP in summer 2006 on the Stila website's relaunch.  I had lusted after it but wasn't about to spring 32.00+astronomical shipping for it on Ebay.  And the girls on Makeup Alley can make swapping for a rare a bitch.  While lusting I hapharzerdly checked the lovely www.beautycrunch.com. 

And there it was. 

In all of its cute and pink glory. http://www.beautycrunch.com/product_detail.asp?PMID=262&category_id=1&pos=1&viewall=yes

For 12.00.

Hell yes I bought it.  Along with another Stla palette that is hard to find ( http://www.beautycrunch.com/product_detail.asp?PMID=515&category_id=1&pos=1&viewall=yes ).

Sorry for the makeup talk.

Admittidly, I want an iPhone.

I haven't been up to much lately.  I mean...I haven't been dillagent in attending class.  Truancy has preoccupied my mind.  But luckily 'I was sick' still works, with out a note even.

Aaron has been queefing over GTA.  Go him.

I went out with Debra and Annie for the first in forever, we went to play DDR on Saturday at Gateway.  i haven't played in such a long time, it was fun to play again though.  I might want to go again super soon so if you play DDR and you read my journal and you're in Lane county we should go together.

I went to this screening of a new documentary called Lord Save Us From Your Followers.  It was made be a Christian guy who wanted to find out why people were so turned off by Christianity.  It is the simple fact that the majority of the Christians that non-Christians interact with are... BAT SHIT CRAZY.  Concept!  If found it entertaining.In reflection I don't think   it isn't religion or faith that gives us the ability to be kind and love one another its the fact that we're all human that should give us this capacity.  Do I think that the Evangelical Christian movement is destroying America? Yes.  Can the Christian community that isn't bat shit crazy change this?  Yes.  They just have to be louder because, sadly, the crazy one generally have the louder voices.  The showing was hosted by Campus Crusade for Christ (yeah...I know).  But I know a couple of girls form HamStaff who I would consider to be quite good friends. There was a discussion after the movie and the token 'non-believers' (which is degrading, no?) got to chat with the CCFers about our issues with Christianity.  Its funny, I think that the majority of the time if you're in an enclosed box with people who share your beliefs it is almost impossible to see what is really going on.  I told my lovely stories of being bullied by 'good Christian kids' in middle and high school.  Just how it makes me feel about everything.  I think that maybe it got some people to think, but sadly I have little faith.  But if I reached two or three people I think I did pretty damn good.  After the discussion I got to talking with guy named Andrew and we ended up going to his flat and talked more.  I was able to make jokes like  'Isn't that you have to be a member of the NRA to be a good Christian in the New Testament?' and he laughed. And played off the joke later.  I didn't get home until 3:24 am.

Not much else is happening, my birthday is quickly approaching though.

I haven't really journaled in a few months so I thought that I might well throw who ever reads this a bone with some meat on it.

 I think this is week 2, I am already tired of school. As per the usual. I am taking 3 classes: German 203 which is my last German class for the rest of my natural life; Imaginary Shanghai  which is an esoteric way to say the history of Shanghai; Jewish American History which is taught by a funny and awkward Jewish man. There is just too much reading that I am not doing. In German we're reading a book called Am Die Kürze Ende die Sonnenalle (On the Short end of the Sonnenalle) which is about a group of teenagers living in East Berlin in the 1980s.  In Shanghai we we have a stack of fiction books about Shanghai, a course packet, and additional reading on Black Board and in Knight library.  In Jewish American history it is pretty much the same story as Shanghai.

Last term I was quite successful.  I got a C+ in German 202 which is a miracle.  You have no idea how hard I worked for that stupid plus sign.

I got a B+ in my Japanese WW2 class.  Now I can say fancy things like 'The first Sino-Japanese war' and 'a war of attrition on the Japanese archipelago' and know what I am saying.  While others may not.  This is what a B+ does for you!

I also succesfuly comepleted my history seminar, which is like a mini thesis, for my history BA. And holy fucking shit I got a B+.

Now.  I am happy that I managed to pull this off.  However it just reinforces that I can do marginal, little to not effort work and still pass with flying colors. Either Prof. Hanes loved my bullshit or didn't see it caked into my paper.  My paper was about Iijime, which is Japanese for 'bullying', in Japanese schools.  Now I can talk about examination hell, raceism in Japan, and Japanese preschools.  Not like anyone really cares.  And it is pretty much useless.  But hey, passing means that I am one step closer to my BA.

Out side of school, good God what do I do outside of school and the interwebs?

Tomorrow is Aaron's birthday and we're dining at P.F. Chang's with his friends.  He will be 22 and for a short time we will be the same age.  I have no idea what I am going to get him though.  I might go back to Gamestop to see if they still have the Witcher because they wouldn't sell it to me because I didn't have my id on me.  Bastards.  Although I might get him a U of O hoodie, but I might save that for his grad gift. Baaaaaa I dunno what to get him.

He is graduating this June and has no idea what he is going to do.  He never wrote for the ODE because he hated it so much, which he has kinda shot himself in the foot because he has no clippings for his portfolio.    He is probably going to stay in Eugene and stay with me which I am happy about that.  We're going to Hawaii this August, his parents' treat, for his best friend's wedding.  Aaron is the best man.  We will be there for 5 days and I will swim every day and go to Pearl Harbor.  And yell 'BANZAI!'. A lot.

I am thinking, as the year winds down, about things that I think about a lot.  I have mentioned before that Eugene and U of O held this special feeling, a spark, of antsy excitement.  It still does, to an extent, feel like this to me but not as much as it did when I lived in Medford.  I still love Eugene though.  But I just wanted so much more out of it, that I haven't found yet.  I have friends, that I don't see nearly enough, mainly because I am just too damn busy or tired.  I miss hanging out with Debra, Annie, and Aaron...I do not see them nearly enough.  Especially since Aaron and Debra live a 2 minute walk down the alley from me.  I feel like a crap friend sometimes.  But I love the fact that I can go months with out seeing Kim, Eric, Val or John and when we do get together we sync back into it.

I just want that spark back from Eugene, it sounds like a relationship on the rocks doesn't it?  While Eugene is home it doesn't really seem like it.  There is just too liminal space that doesn't last long enough.  It seems like our hearts just aren't in it to make real friends or make phone calls.  We resort to Facebook or Myspace games of tag.  Which is fine, I play them to, and I am quite shy about making phone calls.  So in this search for something to do on Saturday nite I fail quite well.  I feel like going out and enjoying sunny days and warm nites with friends would give me more warmth from my beloved Eugene, but I may be wrong.  We're all searching for something here, at university.  I always thought that I would find it. I always thought that I would make fast friends that I would always be with.  But instead  I have found myself shrinking into my shyness that was never really there until I moved here.

There is just something about this  time of year causes me to reminisce and ponder.  There is just something about the freedom that spring brings that conjures up these thoughts.

I keep having dreams about a certain person (here is one from 2006: http://petal-abstract.livejournal.com/43008.html?mode=reply) and I am unsure what to do.  We were never friends, and probably were quite close to despising  each other.  But  I have been intrigued with the idea to get into contact with them.  And just bury the hatchet.  Maybe more if they will have it, but I am unsure.  I always thought that this person and I would've been such good friends if the spring of 2006 would have happened much, much differently.  Maybe something might happen if I do something about it.

Call me.

I have 20ish minutes left of class, that I am obviously not paying attention to, to write this entry.

After my last final at 8:30 in the damn morning for Enlightenment Cultural History I took off for Medford on the Greyhound for about 5 days. For those 5 days (Wednesday till Monday) I did a whole lot of nothing.  I got to see Val and John, which  whom I was very happy to see.  John and I did or normal routine of Wal-Mart and chatting.  I am very happy that he has finally found a kindred female spirit that is with in a 20 mile radius from him.  I worked at my Dad's grill for about an hour and a half.  Mom, Dad and I went garage selling on Saturday, I bought random stuff for my new flat.  Mom gave me a pasta dish set and a crock pot.  Also on Saturday my Dad's cousin, Frank, that he grew up with came all the way up to Oregon (on his way up to Montana), with his wife, Abby, from Tuscon, Arizona.  Abby and Frank are both teachers and so I got lots of usefull advice on what I should do.  On Sunday we went to Ashalnd (Val came with us) and Val and I hung with the fam for awhile, but broke off after awhile.  Val and I went to Lithia Park and she took pretty pictures of me.  I'll post some here...maybe.

On Monday Frank and Abby drve me up to Eugene and we talked a lot of teaching and what Ishould to prepare for my future and appling  with Teach for America.  When we got to Eugene we got lunch at Sakura and I gave them a tour of campus.  After they left for the coast I had an hour or so before I had to leave for work, and thus began my week.

I worked.  Everyday, Monday till Friday 11-3.  Now, because I take the bus its really 10-4.  Hot diggity damn.  I've been reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and I am abotu half way through it.  I worked.  A lot.  Plus I have to go to Doug and Emilie's to water their plants and take care of Sandy the rat.  And I walk there and its about a good 25 to 30 minute walk, both ways.  Watering and Sandy time takes about 45 minutes.  Last week I wasn't getting home till 6ish.  We don't have internet right now so I would take a shower and go to the library to check up on stuff.  On Midsummer's Eve I fell asleep around 5:55 and woke up at 10.  I called other Aaron and we got some Muchas and I went back home and slept till 8 am.  I also saw 'Waitress' with other Aaron and its really cute and good.  Go see it.

Kevin, who is now moving to Australia, came to visit me on...Tuesday. We went to Muchas and Sweet Life.  We also went to Alton Baker where he bag piped for a little while and we chased gooses.

My Aaron was out of town all week.  I was all sorts of lonely.  Laila and Amjad moved out, and I have their old room. Natalie and Adam were gone all week.  Now they're back and Natalie moved a bunch of my stuff form my old room to my new one...In a slap dash, throw it all over the place fashion.  SO when I got home late last nite I had to deal with that and unpacking.

I spent the weekend in Portland.

(Its the next day)

I went with other Aaron, James, Jody and Jody to go see 'Can't Stop the Serenity', a fundraiser for Equality Now.  They showed 'Serenity' at the Hollywood Theatre and donated the procedes to Equality Now, Joss Whedon's favorite organization.  My Aaron picked me up and we hugged and kissed and it was wonderful to see him after a  week and a half.  We really didn't do much.  We went to bed late on Friday nite, after walking through is high school years via a memory box.  He got up at 7 am to take his car with his Mom to drop off his car so he could get new brakes.  He came back and made me the best breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and ham.  We later got his car and played at his old elementry school's playground for awhile.  He let me make a charecter on his WOW account.,  I am a Blood Elf preistess named Jacosta.  His parents took us out to dinner to a McMeninmans tucked away in the woods.  Aaron started to feel icky and he was dead tired.

Plans to hang out with Kevin and Eric fell through.

So.  I went to bed instead.

We left on Sunday, I got to to go tot he Body Shop.  We got back to Eugene, got Taco Bell, and I played WOW.

I sarted summer classes yesterday.  Geology 101 which I might not need to take.  Its at 8 am so I am really miserable.  8amClass and I have to go to work right afterwards then Doug and Emilie's house stuff...i don't get home till 6 pm.  It sucks.  I want it to stop.  We might be closing as soon as next week too.  We're expanding. If we do, and I don't ha to take this class I might be able to go to Medford again, but I am not sure.

Good God, I am tired.

I have decided, instead of studying for my 10:15 am final I am going to write an entry.  Possibly one of substance, so please, hold on tight and don't look down or to the side.

This term is almost over, but I still have a bit to do.  As my first term out of the dorms it was pretty much awesome.  I have now come to terms that I hated the dorms and RA life quite a bit.  Lately I have been having about housing and my staff.  They normally end in me bitching everyone out.  What my staff doesn't know is that I left because of them.  I felt like they treated me like shit and didn't give a damn about me.  I felt so out of place and ignored. I went to Carson countless times to find people that I liked and considered to be my friends eating together, yet they never thoguht to ask me.  Its little things like that...That really bother me.  I am a pretty sensitive, fragile, meekish kind of a person.  Not only that my boss was not relaly supportive of me at all.  But its in the past, there is really no need to dwell on any of it.

Apartment living is fine, sans the constant loud sex.

I like being a waitress.  Although I forgot to charge someone for their pot of tea today...But its only .95 and I told Bimb and she laughed and said it was ok.  Its pretty easy work, but just having to be rushrushrush all the time.  Sometimes I get a little behind and Kannika will remind me to bring a table wtaer and I want ot tell her that I was going to but someone decided to pay right when I went to get glasses for water.  Its not that I have forgotten, its just that someone else is commanding my time.

I have been wrestling with bouts of general lonliness here in Eugene.  I am a pretty social person, but my shyness overcomes my need for friends.  But laely I've been feeling so lonely for friendly contact that I've reduced myself to tears.  I feel just about the same as I did in high school.

In high school I always felt invisible and out of step with everyone else.  My senior year was a disaster because of the fact that I really didn't have acess to friends during the whole the school day.  I had Traceh, but we rarely saw each other over the course of the day.  Kim and I had our...moment in the winter.  I felt so lost with out my constant companions Eirc, Nick, and Kevin.  I would spend my lunches, open periods, and whatever time I had to occupy with doing something in the libary.  I would be on the Anime Online forums chatting it up with people of, obvious, simaler intrests.  I hated school, I hated my classes, over all I hated being there.  Even when Iwas in Teen Theatre I felt like an outcast.  Its sad even in a group of outcasts, people I thought I would grow so close to , ignored me.  I don't know what it is about me but I always get excluded one way or another.

So, yeah, I am lonely.  I am unsatisfied in the friend part of my life.  Mainly in the vein of strong female bonds, ehich I never really have been able to obtain and maintain well.

To combat all of these feelings, and being thr shy mouse I am, I turned to the only source that I could possibly find new friends.  I turned to Craigslist.  I actually met a really nice girl too.  I am going to call her B for now.  But we went to dinner last nite and chatted for two hours.  We don't nesscialry ave  alot in common, but we hit offf really well.  I reallly like her and I have intentions to call her when I get back from Meddy.

I get back my paper from Mideval history tomorrow, and my imatation project back on wednesday.  I just relaized this fact about hour ago, to my horror.  I hat ethe waiting game for papers I feel like I biffed.

I got a B on my last Enlightenment essay quiz thingy.  Go me.  Go slave revolt in Hati.

Summer plans thus far...I am goign to Meddy on Wednesday till Monday.  Then I work a shitload.  Then I go see Serenity in Portland with other Aaron.  Aaron moves in with me end of this month.  Then I go back to Portland to see Cameron, my childhood friend from Texas.  Hopefully he'll be able to meet Eric and Kevin.  We'll go to gay bars and have a gay ole' time.  Then more work and pet/plant sitting for the family that I babysit for.  Theeeen my geoloy class starts, 8 am sharp.  Inbetween class andnot going to class will be even more work till we close ot expand.  Then come my intensive German class.  More work when reopen.Then at the end of summer Aaron and I move into our cute apartment and decoarte it.

Nothing to outrageous.

I want to go to England this winter holiday with Aaron.

I am still thinking about studing in Japan, even though all I can say is that I am a history and anthropology major.  One of the lanaguge requirements is really lax and I fulfill it.  Go me.

But.  There will be a time that I will never have to study for  astupid final even again.

Through the pestering of someone else, who derievs enteratinemnt and, really, for the lack of something better to read on the whole wide internets, I have decided to update.

Its been two weeks since I updated last, and I really, honestly, don't know what I've been doing these past two weeks.  I've been thinking, reminiscing a lot as of late.  For the times when I could get away with so much less.

Yes people, I am thinking about the akward stages of pupation known as the six year period between 6th grade and 12th grade.

Aided by the discovery of  'Ready or Not' episodes on YouTube this reminiscing is almost  simultanious.  'Ready or Not' was a tv show improted from Cnada to be aired on the Disney channel, every weekday at 4:30.  SOme episodes were left out, these were the episodes about sex, breasts, and periods.  It follows the daily, hijinxed lives of Busy Ramone and Amanda Zimm htrough 6th grade until 9 (or right before 10th) grade.

This show made me tough.

I've also been dwelling on this feeling that I used to get in Eugene, long before I came to school here.  It was feeling of freedom and mystery.  But now I just feel obligations and sleepyness.  I would come to Eugene to visit Eric and everyone would be here (Kevin, Tyson, Val, and Nick) and we would all hang out and do... whatever we wanted.  I have hazy memories of Riley, Hamilton, streets with no names, buildings on campus.   I soon came to know each of the places on my own, but they enevr gave me the same feelings as I had back when I was in high school.  And I do miss it.

Spekaing of missing something, you know what I don't miss?  Being an RA.  Becuase it fucking sucked.

Aaron go tme my beautiful Valentine's Day present.  A multi-dark colored fresh water pearl necklace.  We found it at Saturday market at the first booth we went to.  I am in love with it.  I am in love with him. We're moving in togeher and taking on the future to gether.  Hopefully he'll still love me when I go off to Germany and where ever Teach For America decides to put me.

My vagina is still broken.  And it still sucks.  No surprises there.  To describe where I feel pain is, apparantly , hard for people to visualize.
I am staying in Eugene over the summer.  I am oging to find me a job and go to school.  I was going to do 4 classes over th ehwole summer but I htink I may say fuck it and only do two, depends on what kind of job I find.

Its my birthday in twoish weeks.  May 27th, I'll be 22.

This always sounds so much  better in my head.

Its 11:46 am and I am sitting in McKenzie Hall in room 214 waiting for my Cultural History of the Enlightenment class to begin.

Woo and yay.

I am afraid to stay in my flat because, well, I legally don't live there yet.  So I spent the nite with Aaron.  We dyed Easter eggs.

I started Final Fantasy X, I am very excited to play more of it.  I haven't played Twilight Princess in forever though.

I miss it.

I went to my job interview yesterday.  Its a babysitting nanny job.  3 (very cute and articulate!) children.  2 four year old twins (boy and a girl) and one 6 year old girl.

My day is almost over, one hour and 20 minutes of class plus the next 10 minutes waiting for class to start.  I am goingto my flat after this eat something..well...maybe...I really don't have any food and a I feel weird eatingother people's food even though Natalie said it was ok.

Then after that I am going to go to the post office and send of 4 things then off to academic advising at Oregon hall.

Tomorrow will be history advising, my first history advising session since oriantation.  Then I will go to anthro advising this week too.

Now its time fore class.

I am all moved out and excited to start my new life living in my first apartment.

Being an RA was ok, but it just wasn't for me.

I will be going to the coast today, and I will be in Portland from Sunday nite till Wednesday.  P-Towners we should probably hang out.

Then its on the Meddy from Wednesday till Saturday.

I am all moved, but not unpacked in my apartment.

Aaron's a trooper, he moved me all day yesterday.

I am surprised we got it all done.

I still need to buy a bed.

This weekend killed me, even though I was already dying.

I started feeling slightly icky on Thursday, I spent the day not going to class and slept for the duration of the day.  Friday I made myself go to Japanese, then to my one on one, and then the infamous gyno exam.  I was feeling achey and sore but I still exherted myself a little to much.

On Saturday I woke up feeling ok but as the day progressed I suddenly found myself feeling weak, achey, and overall like I needed to die.

But I couldn't die.

Because my parents and Grandpa were coming.

 
We picked up Mom and Dad and went on campus for a wild goose chase.

So here is something awesome.  One of my distant realitives on my Grandpa's (Mom's) side was one of the first graduates from the University of Oregon and he became a very prominent judge.  His name was Robert Sharp Bean.

The Bean complex is actually named after him.

But apprently there is a plaque somewhere and we tried to find it.  We even bugged the people at the libray but they had no idea what we were talking about.

We also found the name Bean (and Whitehall) stamped into the concrete in front of McArthur court.

After all of the runing around we went to Starbucks and got some coffee.  With the rest of the money Grandpa gave me I went to the book store to get a U of O hoodie and an tshirt that says 'Oregon Girls Rock'.  After that we went to Trader Joes and Grandpa bought me a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck XD.

When they left I pretty much crashed.  I was so dead and done with living.

I took Monday off to go to the health center where much awesomeness (...NOT) occured.

I go see the doctor, coughing every five mintutes and going the pace of adilpated mollasas.  Dr. Surlock exams me but she is still unsure of what I have.  I've had this violent cough for at least 2 weeks, and I had a 101.5 fever and this worries her.  She suggests that I get my blood taken for tests and a chest X-Ray.

I get both done.  Hooray.

I see Aaron Renner and we chat for a little bit.

I get called back after she looks at my chest X-Ray and blood test results.  The X-Ray is normal.  But my blood test shows that my red blood cell count is lower than it should be.  So I have to get another blood test after I get better.  She asked me if I wanted cough medicine with Codine and I said "Maybe..." in a meek voice.  I think she laughed but I can't remember.

The Pahrmacist (named Gregg) was the only person at the Health Center that said my name right XD.

I slept for the rest of the day.  Went over to Aaron's to watch Heroes (<3).  And came back home.

Fucking ressies making thumping, crashing noises at 1 am.  I dragged myself out of bed to investigate, but to no avial there was nothing.

I went to back to bed.  Woke up at 10 am and felt much better.   I am still feeling a little weak and off kilter, but I can feel myself starting to get better.

Thanks to all who responded in my plea to solve my acne issues, which I believe, are being caused by birth control.

I went to my follow up with Collen in the health center today. That was exciting. Aaron went with me for support and probably to read out dated issues of National Geographic in the waiting room.

Collen did the one finger test.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

The pain. 

It was horriable.

I covered my face and whimpered.

What she did was a 360 degree exax of pushing on my pelvic musscles.

After she was done she pulled out her finger removed the glove and patted me on the leg and said "I am so sorry sweetie."

She gave me a referal to a physical therapist who is going to work on my hips, pelivs, and inner thighes.

Afterwards Aaron, Kevin and I got sushi.

And then I bought random stuff I probably shouldn't have at Target and Old Navy.

Mom, Dad, and Grandpa are here tomorrow.

I am going to bed now.

So. Hey everyone.

I haven't been very motivated to write for a long time. Mainly because I don't have anything to write about.

The term has started off with a bang of reading. Or rather, reading that I am not reading. Although all of the classes do provide readings that I do take some general to extreme interest in I just don't want to do it. I am more excited to read the memroir and historic fictional accounts than actual text books.

Japanese is treating me well, just lots of vocab and I can conjugate abverbs. I can also kinda have a conversation. Its exciting.

A week and a half ago I almost fainted in the shower, but I forced myself to go to classes for my crazy 9 am till 1:30 day. What makes this day so grueling is that I have to haul ass from Villard to the Education building because Japanese class always gets out late. Then from the Education building I have to run to Mckenzie which is over by Villard. When you're sick and its snowing this becomes quite taxing on ones body. After Vietname class, which I have with Aaron, I went over to his place where he made me amazing spinach-rice-tortolini soup. I ended up too weak to move myself off of Aaron's futon to go to staff meeting, so I spent the nite and didn't got to class on Friday.

Now I have a pretty bad chest cold. Aaron once again came to my rescue. He bought me cough medicine, Ricola, I sick Soup, and flowers.

We're going to move in together next fall. I find the prospect of this invigorating and exciting. I cannot wait. We've already bought plates.

I am finally going to call the health center to schedule an appointment for my vaginismus test. I have put this off mainly due to fear.

Vi was in Eugene from Friday till Saturday, Aaron and I spent some time with her. It was really fun and Vi adored Aaron.

Hopefully Mom, Dad, and Grandpa Ernie will be spending next weekend here in Eugene. I am relaly excited about this too.

My room is clean.
I have Aaron's Valentines Day stuff all figured out.
I need to figure out all of my programs for the term.
I need to make new door decs for my girls.
I need to be around more.

I need to sleep.

Good nite.

I was diagnosed with Vulvodynia today.










I am just really afraid right now.  I know what is wrong...But...I guess as G.I. Joe says:  Knowing is half of the battle.

Aaron is being amazing and being so supportive.  I am happy I don't have to face all of this alone.  But its still scary even with him.

Even my Mom is curious about what is happening to me.  Even though I brought up Vaginismus to her weeks ago she later accused me of being a hypochondriac.  But now she wants links so she can read up about it.

Sex better be worth all of the fucking crap I am going to have to go through.

Oh yes.

The real reason why I went in was to check out this skin irratation that I've had for almost going on a year now.

So.  On top of having inflammed vulvar vestibuls...Vulvodynia...Possible, more than likely, Vaginismus...

I  have a fucking yeast infection.

Off to Aaron's for Thanksgiving...be back Sunday!

<3,

Elena

I miss him when he isn't around. 

I miss him when he's at home, only 10 minutes away from me.

I miss him even more that he is 2 hours away from me.

But,

This is my dream relationship, and I can live with missing him.

Because I know that I have him. And I know he has me.

Completely.

I saw Aaron for about 5 minutes when he met me outside of Villard.

It tickles me pink that he does this for me.

We haven't seen each toher, for more than these 5 minutes since Sunday. Its been almost like torture.

Its not that I am dependent on seeing him, because it is bareable.  I just enjoy seeing him, it really puts the cream in the coffee of my day for me, so to speak.  And I enjoy cream in my coffee.  Lots of cream inmy coffee.

But tonite we get to see each other for a long while.

I am sooooo exicted.


PS:  Happy Birthday achastai

Hmmmm...Working on the 3rd cup of tea for the day.  I feel many, many more coming on.  I am craving plain, old black English tea like crazy.  I may venture out to get some.

On my Mao mugs, as I lovingly call them, is Kanji.  I can recognize/read (atleast the Japanese meanings) 6 7 of them.  The Japanese meanings are land of origin, birth, people, one, five, and education, date of birth.  Sounds like Pinko Commie propoganda to me.

I have my one on one with Kalia in 25 minutes.  I will make it a point to bring up my miserable and depressed feelings.  How much i hate this job...and how its bleeding into my school work.  How much I feel rejected by my residents and staff.  The fact that I can't go to my guys' floor because I am afraid that they will gang rape me.  And how fucking sick and tired I am of being , told to shrug it all off and how I feel unsupported the majority of the time.

Fun times will be had by all.
I am slowly making my Yule wish list for my parents, which I don't think will be too much to ask for. So far on the list is:

-Voltron Season 1 on DVD

-Delicious Britty treats including Glengettie Welsh tea, (Snow) Flake bars, McVities Ginger Nuts and McVities Milk Chocolate Hob Nobs.  I've already found a website with the best prices =O

www.jollygrub.com Can we say enabling? (*looks at Stormcat...for some...unkown reason.*)

-The Ditty Bops second album 'Moon Over the Freeway'

And that is about it...The one hting I really want that I won't ask for is the new Tori Amos collection/box set.  Its soooo pretty and soooo expensive.  Well its 75.00 full price, which I feel is too much to ask of my parents.

I kinda cleaned my room.

I miss my Aaron.  Apparently we've become 'that' couple.  We spent the whole weekend in his room, suggling in his under blanketed bed watch 'Band of Brothers'. Thus making us the couple that excludes everyone, atleats to his roommate...

Who has a grilfriend that he spends all of his time with...Aight.  Whatev.

Hmmm...now 15 minutes till my meeting.  Why am I nervous?

I always miss England this time of year.  I hope to go back over in the next couple of years.  I even want to go back during the winter...

Because there is just something magical about it in the winter.

A lot of time I wish I liked fruit.

That I didn't study Kanji.

I talked to Eric instead.

I am really derpessed that my God Brother, Jeremy, getting assigned to being an infantry officer in the army.

My room is a mess.

I have a midterm on Wednesday...And Monday.

I did well on my oral exam.

And I happen to be in love.

I met Aaron's parents yesterday.

And.  Well.

This is what his mom, Jann, said about me.  I am loosely paraphrasing...

"She is the type of girl we've always pictured you with, Aaron."

So.  I think they like me.

:D

In other news I'm tired.  I get paid tomorrow.  I want to do something for Samhain.  I have Japanese midterms.  I have RA stuff to get done.  I am busy, busy, busy

PS:  'After Hours'=My favorite Rilo Kiley song.  Of all time.

I am meeting Aaron's parents...today.

Soon.

Meep!